.Things Not Yet.

The Ruins of Me in the Shadow of You

2009-10-25T18:57:00.000-06:00

You have ruined me from the start
and I am taking it to heart
that You are slowly unraveling my frame
then piecing it together into something more tame
[not docile, just aware of my limits]

my limits are where You set them to be
my limits are as far as I can see
my limits are as much as I stop and just be

without You the air my lungs would cease
the atoms in my body would split
into a million sparks of light
fading off unto some distant shore
setting course and letting go
Keeper of the Winds
decide my fate upon this terrible sea
for You have crafted me in the depths
reaching down from the heights

to comprehend all that You are
would be an injustice
[to calculate what You are not
would be unfathomable]

all things were
all things are
all things will be
through You
all things exist

knowing this, how can i be complacent
comfortable or apathetic
You have rescued me from an ordinary life
and set me on track for failure
[failure in You is anything but]

Drop Lightning, pt 2

2009-09-24T14:11:00.000-06:00

I called thunder from the sky
when it came i froze
I asked for a change of course
You woke the winds
in new directions
land is in sight
but nothing feels right

if lightning never strikes twice
should I care if it strikes once
should I hold breath in anticipation
for the reverb?

You tell the water where to stop
so drop lightning again
for I am Gideon
thick skulled
with a lack of confidence
in my ability
to decipher
the signs

To My Bride, My Love

2009-09-13T14:10:00.000-06:00

A lamentation of the One
Who Sits at the Right Hand

I wrote you a poem
but you will probably
never read it
nor will anyone speak
to you about it
you have turned a deaf ear
to my creative endeavors

[unless of course they bring you
some sort of gain]

since you don't understand me
you push me away
you have grown cold toward me
taking pride and joy
over your love of the me you
have imagined
but not the me that
i am

cold? no, rather
a mild 75 degrees
not cool enough to refresh
not warm enough to revive
we were once alive
but you have become
preoccupied with making sure
you know my content
yet by not knowing my cadence
you fail to comprehend
the depths of my love

i would die for you
a thousand times over

[since once does not
seem to be enough]

call me stubborn
call me single minded
call me jealous
all this is true
and more

i won't relent
until you and i are one

i have paid the price
you are mine and i am yours
my love

please
do not turn from me
i have eyes only for you

i will never forsake you,
Your Beloved

Shiver Me Timbers

2009-08-16T14:04:00.001-06:00

I be a scurvy pirate
ye be a saucy wench
i know not where you came from
or where on earth you went
i sail the salty seas
in search of where you've been
without you, the booty in me coffers
is nary made of tin
the sails and course be set
the jolly roger hanging high
thar be no warmth in my heart
no matter how hard i try

i be a scurvy pirate
ye be a saucy wench
but i love ye just the same
i'd give up ship and sea
for you to be me dame

Paper or Plastic

2009-08-13T16:03:00.001-06:00

The earth spins at approximately
one thousand and thirty-eight miles an hour
around a flaming ball of gas
thousands of times its size
and I am here checking you out

-beep-
[Did you find everything okay?]
-beep-

I've seen children crying
children dying in the streets
while you whine about how
we're out of sugar-free-organic-whateve

r
I hold my tongue

-beep-
[Will this be all for you today?]
-beep-

Africa is slowly fading
from war and disease
Asia is going through a
spiritual and cultural revolution
you tabloid reads "sex" across the cover

-beep-
[Your total comes to $129.67]
-swipe-

the world is spinning fast
the day is new every morning
life is ripe for the taking
between you and me
I'd rather not be here
checking you out

We May Be Sawn In Two

2009-07-27T11:29:00.002-06:00

break my heart
for it is occupied by another
break my heart
for it is focused on another
break my heart
for You

00101110

2009-07-20T22:56:00.002-06:00

Stop! Stop! Stop!
I can't hear myself think!

where did all of this come from
who allowed it to be
transforming from simple
analog pleasures
to digital dirigibles
dropping bombs of
distraction
on unsuspecting masses
of faithless believers
communicating through
mouse clicks and
numeric pages
leaving comments
and thumbs up
while speakers play
the latest download

stop!

how many times will
that song play before
i associate it with dancing
cavemen and auto insurance
when will pavlov sing
my song
so i know when and where
to eat my over processed
excuse for meat
passed off as a complete
meal when in reality
it is nothing more that air
and sugar
never mind the lie that
eating this will make me happy
make me feel like a king
long live the fast food nation
long live the iPod generation
the don't have time for real
conversation
please text in your vote for the newest
sensation

stop!

i have trouble distinguishing
my thoughts from the
flickering pixels invading my soul
has my perception of reality
been compromised
from this constant intake
of sight and sound
talking heads
sexy celebs
orbit my mind
secretly influencing
my decision making process
my reasoning ability
as my higher brain functions
go into recess
i am faced with admitting
my cyber addiction

stop!

watch as i attempt to unplug
attempt to sever the connection
attempt to reclaim life
and let it flow from
every fiber of my being
Lord give me grace and dancing feet
i will dance for you
like a shepherd king
overcome with joy
though i walk in the valley of
digital death
i will lift my eyes
beyond lcd hi-def
flashing screens
toward the heavens where
the Creator of
butterflies and dandelions
dwells

Drop Lightning Like It's Hot

2009-07-10T00:01:00.001-06:00

I am twenty two
and confused
i am stumbling
in the dark
without a clue
all i have are
my predecessors'
flashlights
my peers'
night lights
what i need is a
spotlight
to pierce the fog
and show me the way
back home
to where ever
i should be

with every headline
i am reminded
that this is not
my home

but where is?

let fire fall
from the heavens
let a thunderous
voice proclaim

Come hither and
no further

Do this, that
and the other
for it has been blessed

i am seeking revelation
but You are less revealing
than amish pornography
i am more wanting
than a crack head
five days without a hit

if Your face has
turned from me
i will spin in cartwheels
to grab Your attention

drop lightning like
it's hot and say

This one you shall marry
Be fruitful and multiply

anything would be great
really
a whisper through the night
anything

my nose is flat
from too many
doors closed in my face
my arms are sore
from broken oars
if there's a waterfall
ahead
please give me warning
i know how to swim
i just need a little
warning

Sleeveless Tricks

2009-07-09T21:40:00.000-06:00

You've got me saying
words i haven't
spoken in a loooong time

You've got me feeling
like i haven't
felt in a looooong time

We probably won't speak
not a word
for a loooong time

i don't know

about you
about me

You're great
(but he's greater)

i've seen this before
yet
something seems different

God is sovereign.
a pretty girl
told me this once
at first i doubted
but now
i know this to be true

it will take time to heal
it always does

I will always be here.
she tells me
and again i do not believe
because she is not here
right now
but in time maybe this too
will prove to be true

Air Can Only Replace Itself (It Can't Replace You)

2009-07-08T19:29:00.001-06:00

Where once my eyes
were met by the heavens
there is air

where once my ears
heard the sound of angels
there is air

where once i faced
a smile so true
there is air

where once was
joy and laughter
there is air

I looked in all the usual spots
everything is, but you are not
next to me an empty chair
what is there, not you, but air

Coffee with Langston

2009-07-07T19:23:00.001-06:00

It's interesting reading
words, barely a century
removed
yet still so vibrant
off the page
as if Langston was
sitting right across from me

um, Excuse me Mr. Hughes
do you mind if I call you Langston

Powerful words inked
on the pages of a book
of life and love
and death
echoing the sentiments of
poets and prophets past

do you mind the comparison?

Inspiring another young
man of color
to write his own
words and verses
to tell his own
story and saga
to preform his own
song and dance

not that I would ever
compare myself to you

I am twenty-two
and colored
which implies something
different now
than even a half century ago
but the struggles remain
of being young and dumb
and considered insane

would you like another cup?

I write this as a tribute
to Mr. Hughes
who has inspired generations
to hold fast to dreams
to give voice to the voiceless

thank you, Langston, for your time

Bird Song

2009-07-06T20:57:00.000-06:00

tell me little bird
have you ever felt
regret for a missed
note, an off time melody
or is everything
that comes out
as you inteneded it to be

to have such confidence and grace
what price i would not pay

Sail on past the Carcharodon

2009-07-05T22:22:00.000-06:00

I took the time
to set a course
for that glorious shore

i set my sights
on the distant future
using past actions and
past quarrels
as warning for the tides
to come

but the wind on these waters
changes as it wishes
the waves roll on and on

i lost my bearings
in the fog
and now i'm lost
as to where
to go from here

again

i took the time
to set a course
for that glorious shore

knowing full well that
without the One
who controls the winds and sea

i will become nothing more
than meat between teeth

Still Small Noises

2009-07-03T20:55:00.000-06:00

I'm just trying to find
a way inside
a way to navigate
these mines
a way around the present
straight to the future and
back again
to get a grasp
on my reality
so i will know when to go
when to stay
who to pursue
when to disengage
i am tired of my limited
perception
i want an in
to the thoughts of others
i want to learn to read
people instead of pages
bound between covers

you sure don't make this easy
reading you is like looking
through muddy waters
only a few inches are visible
the rest is a mess
i am depressed
like an open can of jam

pop

open
contents poured out
but you
you sure don't make this easy

oh i thought i found
the angel for me but
she pays me no mind

i will trust You in all things
including this
where my attempts
are less hit than miss

speak words to tame
my restless soul
i know fire, wind, and quake
is where You are not
for You speak in still small voices

i am surrounded my still small noises

reach down as i reach up
to the One who breathed life
into Adam

breathe into me now

I Set a Course for Land

2009-05-31T12:39:00.000-06:00

You have ruined me
from the start
and I am taking it
to heart
that You are
writing the plot

You are tediously
untying my knots

I may set my heading
but
You control the waves
that I am treading

O Lord, holder of the winds
You have power to change
my course at a whim
I am mindful that You guide me
that you unlocked my mind
set me free

Sing Sister Sing

2009-05-18T03:19:00.000-06:00

Your smile is intoxicating
your eyes are bright as the moon
your spirit is disarming
breaking down my hard heart
injecting it with love

am i falling in love with you?

maybe

but even more
i am falling in love with
the One who made you
your contagious laughter
your angelic voice
your amazing beauty
directing my gaze to the heavens

sing sister sing
to the One who created
the heavens and the earth

and you

dance before your king
laugh with joy
sing sister sing

Ganesh and Me

2009-05-17T03:05:00.000-06:00

The smells of urine and incense
fill the air
mixing into something
all it's own
the road is blocked
by people demonstrating
what? taha chaina

buses and taxis
are at a standstill
as the crowd sings
and chants
for a better tomorrow
I take to the sidewalk
dodging half dressed children
and crippled old men
pedaling past a shrine
I notice the smell of
incense is stronger
but the drunk sprawled at the entrance
clues me in to
the power of his god

if that's what it
can be called

nothing more than a
rock housed in a
building ridiculously large
while its adherence
struggle to make ends meet
what power is this?

is it the same that
constructed cathedrals
while parishioners
starved?

is it the same that
constructs mega-churches
while its neighbors
go hungry?

without pointing fingers
i know where the problem lies

it lies in me

one more shrine
one more crowd
one more street kid
and i know
that the only respite
comes from above

They Should Have Listened to Benjamin

2009-05-09T03:00:00.000-06:00

The story begins
with a king deposed
by a few unsavory foes
who spin tales
of a better way
and lead the masses
to obey
every word to achieve
a shallow freedom
and to believe
that they
the people
have it all under control
but in the end
the pigs
and
the humans
look the same

Man Overboard

2009-04-18T23:58:00.000-06:00

Oh Holy Lord Most High
I have come to realize
that I have spent my entire life
with a millstone around my neck

It's become a part of me
as I wade this terrible sea
I grasp the air in search of Thee
only yot have water fill my lungs

Oh I know there's a better way
that Your mighty hand holds sway
over the powers of night and day
but land is far from sight

The salt has dried skin and bones
many moons I've spent alone
dreaming of home sweet home
where my soul was at rest

Oh Son of David, I once knew
that Your words where true
yet I still crucified You
I can nver wash these hands

Is there anything but this
a child's game gone amiss
I bretrayed you with a kiss
now I am where I belong

Twenty fathoms was the sounding
all I see is the waves crowning
I've done all I can to keep from drowning
Lord, save me

I Rejected Jesus

2009-03-29T05:39:00.002-06:00

the image still haunts me
he mumbled in nepali
feeling his way across
the bus park
his skinny frame
scarcely held his clothes
scarcely held his life
his eyes lacked pupils
just bloddy buldging orbs

they mocked him
abused him
he just cried
no
he weeped
in a language i didn't need
to understand
he weeped in his pain
in his suffering

and i just stared

my bus came
i boarded
content to leave
him behind
but then
the bus stopped
and a familiar voice
filled my ears
my heart sank
as the skeleton boarded
felling his way to passengers
mumbling
reaching
begging

he touched my leg
i cringed
the smell of blood
sweat, urine, alcohol
filled my nostrils
i cringed

''nai''
(how could such a word cross my lips?)
i pushed his hands off of me
as i tried to avoid
looking into his face
''nai''
(blessed father forgive me)
i pushed again
he moved on
his pathetic body
moved on
mumbling
begging
weeping
i cringed
(oh God, what have i done)

Call Me Cephas (Call Me Beavis)

2009-03-25T04:52:00.000-06:00

The heavens declare
Your glory
as the Hunter
chases the Bear
across the night sky

Your creation screams of
Your infinite goodness
as solar rays are processed
with water and air
to grow the grass of the field

A horse is a vain hope for safety
yet in its power
it bears the mark
of a skilled craftsman
layering marrow and bone
muscle and tissue
skin and hair
to form such a
magnificent beast

The sparrow
takes flight
without a care
mutts roam
city streets
without regard
rocks orbit
nuclear reaction
without effort

why then should i worry?
why should i concern myself with tomorrow?

knowing that tomorrow will come
I plot and plan
contend and conspire
to control it's fate

lo, what vanity of vanities
to strive against
the One
who can set a snare for behemoth
and hook leviathan through the nostril

I move that arguing
against such power
is folly
(but i do it all the same)
can the created
say to the Creator
"Why have You
made me?"
(no more than a picture
can leave its frame)

Where does this
leave You and I?
am I to ignore
the darkness as
i'm dazzled by the light?
or should I rise
like the moon
reflecting the light
of the Son?

the answer is clear

so in fear
i place my hand
over my mouth
lest my foot
finds its way in

how can I contend
with the One
who holds
reality together

Maschil ( A Contemplation)

2009-03-17T04:42:00.000-06:00

I don't understand
my senses are overloaded
there is simply too much
to process
my head is swimming
my body is weak
sleep comes whenever
it desires
i am feeling pressure
like Augustus in the pipe
the suspense
is killing me

Lord, i don't want to
spoil Your chocolate river
to make bitter
Your fountain of blessing
but i can't make sense
of what You are showing me
i long to hear Your voice
direct my steps

To the Creator

2009-03-13T04:47:00.000-06:00

I view the world
through a viewfinder
i interpret my thoughts
and observations
into poetic verse
random thoughts
give life to doodles
frustration into
works of art
pain pours out
through sonic woes

I was created to create
so i will forever reciprocate
the blessings bestowed by the Creator
the God of my fathers
the God of Abraham
of Isaac
of Jacob
the God of the living
the God who lives
the God who still uses
Bezalels and Davids
and fills them
with the Spirit
to compose
and construct
beauty
where there was none
in order to give
glory and honor
to the One
who formed
and fashioned
life
where there was none

Come, Let Us Conspire

2009-02-18T04:32:00.000-07:00

: To my future wife, whoever, where ever she is :

Come
let us conspire together
let us plot and plan
and scheme together
let us run hand in hand
through fields of uncertainty
let us rest in the shade of doubt
let us climb to the peak of prosperity
all the while knowing
we have each other

Come
let us birth together
let us build and bring down together
let us be the change
let us become the answer
let us turn the world upside-down
turn frowns upside-down
turn each other upside-down
let us move in rhythms
and sing in harmonies
that only God will witness

God is good
God is love
let it be known
that we loved God and each other
that we love God and each other

Come
let us live together
let us grow old in gray hairs
rocking chairs and depends together

Come
let us die together
let us leave a legacy
so that our children's children's children
will know what love looks like
what love acts like
what love lives like

Come
let our lives be a testimony
to the grace
and humor
of God
in bringing us from
two
to
one

Come
let us
be

estrellas

2009-01-16T23:49:00.002-07:00

the stars
sing in unison
choruses from
ages past
as the spheres
revolve
they change
configuration
but they remain
shouting
screaming
the wonders of the Creator

the stars
have witnessed
creation from afar
watching the plot
unfurl

the fall
the flood
the family
the famine
the fettered
the free
the frustrated
the fighters
the fiefdom
the fettered [again]
the forsaken
the Father draped in flesh
redeeming His creation

the stars cry out
in celebration
the stars cry out
jubilee
the stars cry out
holy, holy, holy
the stars cry out
hallelujah

the stars sing in harmony
the wonders of the King

It's a Beautiful Thing

2008-12-07T23:51:00.000-07:00

How do I begin
but to say
that when
death is near
Christ is nearer

Though I
feel empty
though I
feel distraught
though I
feel as though
the world will end
You are near

I cannot put
words to this pain
nor could I
draw up a
visual
there just is
no way yet
You are near

As troubling as
the thought used to be

"Though I go
to the heights
though I dwell
by the sea
though I go
to the depths
even there
You will find me
even there
Your hand will hold me"

This now is a
beautiful thought

Domine, miserere mei, peccatoris

2008-10-28T00:27:00.002-06:00

i am a sinner, have mercy on me
i commit these where some may see
curses leave my mouth
anger hangs on my lips
my tongue lashes out like whips
these hands, they kill and steal
break my heart, its contents reveal

i am a sinner, have mercy on me
i sip the cup of greed like ice cold tea
my eyes divert, your love they suppress
by over looking those in distress
my feet, they tread upon Your neck
they kick against You
bear hug me, become my rescue

tame my wild spirit
Your flame, draw me near it
correct my vain philosophy
i am a sinner, have mercy on me

Less Than Three

2008-10-12T20:12:00.003-06:00

I.
tempest brings
torrid rain
bleak november
gloomy october
broken tuesday
morbid wednesday
like a knife
cuts deep
breaking skin
good times brings
great joy
dance and song
dance and song
dance and song

II.
i could talk forever
on theories and mythology
on major sevenths and flatted fifths
on caesars and tzars
i am a walking wikipedia
cool
calm
collected
but when you are near
forget it

III.
the sun skips rhythm
birds sing off key
whenever you
walk by

colors fade
sound dissipates
light flee
when you come into view

stars fall
trees uproot
seasons become erratic
when you show your face

nothing is as it should be
everything fails
everything falls
from the pressure of
being compared to you

new minds cannot be held in tin cans

2008-08-29T23:15:00.000-06:00

from an open mind
comes a new horizon
empty of past
void of tradition
a new beginning
hewn from virgin stone
chiseled with delicate hands
a young conscience
that has not yet
been told the
horrors of existence
nor taught to fear
failure
fresh wings take flight
unaware [or rather unaffected]
by the plight of icarus

in the lexicon of a new day

death
is a new adventure

life
is but a dream

change
is inevitable

resistance
is futile

now
is the time to become
a blank page
ready to receive
messages in the form of
zeros, ones, and twos
binary must give way
to the new way
for new transmissions
are lost in old codes

"new wine cannot
be held in old skins"

for when minds are liberated
the gates of mediocrity
cannot prevail

bike path to enlightenment and green picnic tables

2008-08-05T11:54:00.000-06:00

Among trees i rest
and wander through
scriptures of olde
pouring over ancient
words of grace and peace
of love and compassion
where can this be found
outside my leather bound
at a green picnic bench
i read and marvel at
the words of Peter and Paul
two thousand years removed
in my semi-secluded sanctuary
just off the bike path

among trees i rest
and wander through
the works of Ezra Pound
language beautifully poetic
but nothing is found
to my liking except
of course
a line or two scattered
with no anchor
that is how my
mind rolls you see
gathering bits of inspiration
followed by digestion
which gives birth
to a renewing of my
mind and soul
refreshing as i ride
my bicycle down
the path of enlightenment
aided by the words of
poets, prophets, and priests
culminating in fervent
meditation

among trees i rest
and wander

When Did It Become

2008-08-02T23:03:00.000-06:00

When did it become
us versus them
a tally of numbers
a score to be kept
a feeble attempt
to rule the world through
grace
peace
truth

When did it become
divide and conquer
the media
the government
the schools
the religion
a change of pace
to keep pace with
the fervor
and the devotion
of the other

When did it become
so off kilter
with the Fish
while other fish
flow with the tide
the Fish says
come abide
in a way
opposite the current

When did it become
the norm
to twist
and conform
the message of the Fish
into a list of
hoops and nets
to test against
the way of
the moon
the dragon
the eagle

on me

2008-07-15T14:00:00.000-06:00

come breathe
your warm breath
upon this frozen heart
melt it, sculpt it
with your subtle art
let it runs through your hands
like melted ice cream in july
take away the scales that
cover my eyes
come breathe
your ever present
ever pleasant
presence on me
shake loose the icicles
defrost my frigid soul
come breathe
on me

Ligaments and Marrow

2008-06-23T19:35:00.001-06:00

At what point do i
attempt to cut away
at tumors and worts
to lighten the burden
on my body

When do extremities
tissue or bone
become useless to be
torn

Ligaments and marrow
divide under stress
my soul is in distress

Of what use is an eye
that cannot be tamed
what trouble could
a hand mamed
be if it cannot function

Lame
i could not run
to the hands of seperation
nor could i run from the Creator

Crippled
i would be still

Mute
i would be quiet

Blind
i would be aware
of the Mover and Shaker
in all things

a verb in past tense

2008-06-16T11:15:00.000-06:00

who holds the keys
to my destiny
i need them back
i've tried to guide
my life's course
buts its on track

for failure of the
worst kind
i've lost my sense
of living, of breathing
love is becoming
a verb in past tense

i thought i had
everything under
careful calculation
adding, subtracting
the parts with
marked adulation

yet things
fall apart around
me, fast
things i saw
in the future
never come to pass

miley spears a nation

2008-05-23T03:00:00.000-06:00

how pathetic
that an adolescent
can hold the attention
of a nation
steering it into vast
ignorance
away from the
prestige it boasts
all while
people starve
nations drown
alliances divide
sovereignties war
ice caps melt
liberties disappear
how pathetic

Pop-up Storybooks Are Slightly Overrated

2008-04-20T20:52:00.000-06:00

teacher, teacher
i'm afraid i must disagree
with these fanciful tales
you're telling me

how are happy endings real
what of kings and queens
i don't believe in fairies
and the song inside has died
to a more realistic theme

i don't believe in fairytales anymore
i can't accept this lackluster lore
i know the truth is this
that the dragon eats the prince

run princess, runaway
the prince is dead and the beast is heading your way

Did Grover and Oscar Make it Past St. Peter?

2008-04-18T15:11:00.000-06:00

it's like a reoccurring nightmare
making you my prey
tearing your soul to pieces
taking all you have
i try to run away

the more i run away
the closer i get to where
i began, covering you
like a hungry beast
stealing your pride without a care

disquieting images of your body on the floor
i can never forget what i did
and i knew i wouldn't be the last
i knew there's be more

do you even remember me
or am i just one of many monsters
under your bed
who attack then flee
leaving you for dead

tell me Jesus
is there room for monsters like me
in your paradise without a sea

PEOPLE it’s OK! COSMOgirl will save the day

2008-03-18T14:00:00.000-06:00

i see you smiling at me
from your perch
on your pedestal
cute. smug. complete
i see your perfect curves
framed by obscene headlines
sex. drugs. rock and roll
i can’t believe that you could do such a thing
you’re just too hot for scandal

i could take you home if i wish
for a few bucks i could
delve into your sorrow
share in your pain
but i’ll never share your fame
[or your shame]
i could ignore you if i wish
but the amount of skin
is more than the "dress" your in

you’ve gone places i could only dream of
and i’ve gone nowhere fast
as your life rises and falls like the stock market
mine is steady goin’ like a toy train
on track for nothing special

[un] Titled

2007-12-12T21:58:00.000-07:00

i
stare at broken rings
pictures of
broken dreams
and i
can't help but
cry

promises
that were made
foundations
that were laid
and i
brought down the
sky

i shot down the moon
i blotted out the sun
my days are numbered
i wait for the light to come
again

i
read the written words
visuals of
ideas heard
and i
can't help but
cry

memories
flood like rain
impossible
to remove the pain
and i
just want to
die

i shot down the moon
i blotted out the sun
my days are numbered
i wait for the light to come
again

Jesus
what have i done
how can i fly
when i can't run

G-d
what did i do
to distance myself
so far from you

Spirit
fill my soul
these bloody hands
this empty hole

i shot down the moon
i blotted out the sun
i'm broken and beaten
G-d show me your love
again

Crowbar to Your Head

2007-11-14T10:45:00.001-07:00

if it's my brains you want
why didn't you say so
i thought you were after
my soul
you lifeless bag of bones
i'm sorry they took
all you had
i, on the other hand
refuse
to give in
i will not become lifeless
like you
moaning
groaning
limping
like you
i know the problem
i don't fit your system
your solution: eat my brains
my resolution: crowbar to your head

Edison Fades

2007-03-26T01:50:00.000-06:00

i see
the light begin
to flicker
i sense
the darkness
coming in
hold on
before you
pull the plug
i can fix
the wiring
i can make
it bright again
brighter than
you ever knew
i just need
a little time
you won't be sorry

Cross My Heart

2007-03-04T04:00:00.000-07:00

stick another
stick another needle
in my eye
i promise i won't
i won't cry

'cause you're deserving
of the pleasure
and i'm deserving
of the pain
living or dead
as long as you're happy
baby it's all the same

if you're smiling
i'll smile through it all
i'll suck it up
i'll take it
as long as we
love each other
we'll make it

stick another
stick another needle
in my eye
i promise i won't
i won't cry
[this time]

of the sea

2007-03-02T21:53:00.000-07:00

these mountains
always seem high
from the depths
of the sea

down to the bottom
like a millstone
the ghost of past
suffocates me

this struggle
against the merciless
waves and winds
just to reach the shore

these mountains
always seem high
from the shores
of the sea

a staircase and a hope

2007-02-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

down
down
down

the staircase
i descend
into
darkness
this
shadow
of doubt
that clouds
my better judgment

forced
to view
my incompetents
my inadequacy
my inclination
[to fail]
by the man
in the mirror
with that
unsettling
grin
upon his face

what shallow
what hallow
heart would
allow
such dispair
to grip
like barbed wire
upon it

apparently mine

through
the fog
a light
pierces
the abyss
and guides
along paths
inside
this catacomb
this final
resting place
for valor
for strength
for life

to
a staircase
and
a hope

up
up
and
away

charcoal window panes

2006-06-27T23:34:00.000-06:00

And I'm tired of all of this
Creating these realities that don't exist
Make believing that I believe what I have made
A thought crosses the void to nest on my mind
Flutter its wings and pollenate the field of desperation
This field full of longing and desire
For the sun to shine through my charcoal
Window panes
I refuse to give in
Because it makes too much sense
I refuse to clean the window panes
And I'm tired of all of this
Believeing in my intellect to define the world
Classifying and justifying my pitiful existence
There lies the love I had hoped for
The union between the Father and His Son
Comradery unsurpassed, bound by loyalty
Connection between the Potter and His clay
Vessel
I refuse to give in
Because it seems too simplistic
I refuse to clean the window panes
And You, being who You are
Take the Windex to my soul and wipe away
The charcoal off my window panes
Allowing the light of your love to shine through
And You smash the clay and start anew
Pain tears my soul and in vegence I lash out
As my fist full of rage crashes through streak-free
Window panes
You refuse to let go
Because You know what I will become
You refuse to let go
Fitting the broken glass into Your loving frame

beneathe the sands

2006-06-12T23:31:00.000-06:00

Deep beneath the sands of space & time
Beneath the routines
Beneath the grind
Lies a power the goes beyond
Our manmade edifices and facades
Of power and knowledge
Transcends the understanding
Of weak minded men
Yet can be known by the simplest of minds
A force that weaves in
And out
Of conventional
Cliche
Modes
Of
Intelligible
Exchange
By way of
Linguistic
Symbolism
From one
Homo Sapien
To the
Next
Finding refuge amongst child-like
Curiosity
Found only in
The open-ended minds
Of open-ended people
That take
On open-ended days
Without ever realizing
That their actions will incur
Those of equal or lesser value
From the hollowed halls of linear thought
To the caffeine driven temples of Socratic debate
This energy should not be taken lightly
But should be handled with the most delicate of care
For when the eulogy is sung for freedom of thought
The sound of twenty-one guns will resound for freedom of the soul

jiminey cricket

2005-09-01T23:29:00.000-06:00

I wish
that i
could
just take
her by the hand
and take off
running
without regard
without regret
without repressing
my true feelings
but it's much easier
said
than done it seems
it's hard enough
just to keep from staring
head to toe
there is a certain glow
about her
unexplained
yet it's there
i see it
and when eyes
meet
one second seems
like a lifetime of
dreams come true
i pray to god
these ones will
that we can
be free
to be freely
inlove
such a
simply complex
childishly complicated
thing
LOVE
can turn out to be
not usually for
the lovers
but for the
spectators
trying so hard
to be
involved
helpful
insightful
encouraging
wise
true
noble
it never turns out
that way though
they should really
leave love
to those in love
so that they
can spend
hours talking
hours staring
hours dreaming
so that
one day
when God
sees fit
those dreams
will come true

a poem meets a play

2005-08-17T23:16:00.000-06:00

Upon a golden hill
A poem meets a play
Under starlit sky
Over street light
Epiphanies
A symphony of confusion
Is the soundtrack
For the occasion
As verses collide
With lines
In the most unusual ways
Then
Symphony gives way
To a chorus of love
As dreams once dreamt
Come true when
A poem meets a play

pigeons

2005-08-10T23:17:00.000-06:00

News travels by way
Of carrier pigeon
Against the
Winds of change
And chance
Happens that
The news is
Marvelous
Heart skips
A beat
From those
Eyes
That freeze
Icy blue
Pristine
So it goes
I send the
Pigeon back
And thorugh a crack
In the door
He skoots across the floor
Toward this vision of
Beauty
Box checked "yes"
Rush of emotion
Water soaks
Fabric worn
More pigeons fly
Paths unmarked
Chaotic
Confusing
Desicions to be made
Not based on petty
Scraps of paper
By the heart
Behind
Those icy eyes
That burn this
Splitered wooden soul
Staring out
Streak free
Window pane

that one girl

2005-08-08T23:18:00.000-06:00

Piercing
Like a knife
To the lungs
Her eyes
Gaze
Peer
Delve
Into my soul
Her beauty
Screams angelic
Yet i
Feel inclined
To retract
Retrace my steps
To the beginning
Of it all
To see what happened
Through it all
Was i blind or
Just too stupid to see
That my
Invitations never
Returned back to me
In retrospect
Everything looks
So plain
And i
I
Look so lame
While she
She looks the same
Same heavenly beauty
As when eyes first met
Same glow
Radiance
Grace
And i
I
Look so lame
But it's okay now
I'm over
That hurdle now
Yet i still look
Over my shoulder
To see her
One
Last
Time

Sense of Humor

2005-07-22T23:19:00.000-06:00

I wonder where
The wind is blowing
Tonight is cold
Yet the air is warm
Sails billow
Against desired destination
Should i continue
Or change course
Go with the wind
Or destroy the hull
Do what i want
Or do what is needed
O God
Show me the way
How is this fair
Why is it hard
For birds
To fly against
The current
Of the air

Anticipation of the Closing Curtain

2005-07-18T23:21:00.000-06:00

And the clock struck nine

just let me die

2005-07-02T23:23:00.000-06:00

why, o God
am i not dead
when i should be
stricken by
lightning
straight to
the heart
of the problem
my troubled soul
right on
right off
all at once
yet knowing the right
it can't be me
but the sin
that dwells
within
Jesus
save me
from myself
tonight

9.8

2005-06-26T23:24:00.000-06:00

Don't reach out
Too far
That you begin
To fall
Then
It will hit you
The ground
Your mistake
At once

car rides

2005-06-23T23:25:00.000-06:00

Car rides
Through distant darkness
Always clear
My mind
Of the
Unnecessary
Bringing foward
Things i must
confront
In thought and deed
So
To you
My reader
I give you this
When i think
I see faces
Of those close
To me
And one always
Stands out
Thawing my
Cold
Robotic
Mainframe

cynicism and apathy

2005-06-17T23:26:00.000-06:00

None of this ever
Has any content to it
Just random verbage
From a disorganized mind
No delusions of grandeur
No nightmarish demons
No girl of my dreams
No content at all
Just an empty void
Pouring out
Non existent ideas
Onto paper thru
Ink and a movement
Of the wrist
How is it that
I hide things
From myself
Explain away
Feelings and actions
To myself
Am i
In denial for
Fear of feeling
Vulnerable
Or is it because
Cynicism and apathy
Never felt like this